give up your rights to privacy, happiness, and personal safety!
Yes my friends, step right up and become "one of us" at the Estates, er, Exchange (what is our name today, anyway?) Are you an underage hottie just looking to drink away the semester? How about a frat guy? Maybe you were so crazy that your greek organization suggested that you live somewhere else. Surely you have a short fuse and love to get f****d up everyday.
Well, boy or girl, if you love hanging with your clique and spending your parents money like there is no tomorrow, then welcome to the home you have always dreamed of.
Warning: should you happen to not fit in with US, we will still gladly have you sign on too. However, be prepared for the following "extras": if you are older than 23, you shall be subject to severe beatings by our roving hoardes of boozed-up muscle-heads I mean seriously, you loser, lay off of our girls and get lost, 'cuz you are not welcome here.
Furthermore, your personal belongings will be taken whenever possible (the security cameras won't help you losers who don't fit into one of our many cliques).
Your mail is not safe. In fact, most of it will arrive pre-opened for your convenience. Since even the United States Postal Service refuses to deal with us, they just drop off everyone's mail in a bag, and we get our kicks in the back room as we pilfer through, I mean sort, your mail.
And here's the best part: once you've been permanently psycologically damaged by us and are smart enough to run, don't think that your mail will follow. We have a nifty money-maker called postalforwarding.com, which requires that you just pay a small one-time fee of $60 to have your mail forwared. What's that? You thought that mail forwarding was free??! Get with the times, geek! Hahaha.
Oh, by the way, don't worry about privacy. Why not? Because you have none! Yes, that right, you will be notified of when our "maintenance staff" will be (frequently) entering your apartment to eat all of your food when you are away, er, I mean check your A/C filter.
So come one, come all....you've lived in many apartments, but "You've NEVER lived like THIS!" at The Estates, Gainesville, FL.