Review for Valley Park East-West Apartments

After living here for almost 5 months, I have been the victim of 3 crimes: mail theft, vandalism, and criminal mischief. This is just the beginning dear friends. Hold onto something tight!

The pool tends to look more like a neglected aquarium with it's emerald green color during swimming season with bugs, leaves, and all sorts of other nasties. Perhaps if they paid the pool guards more then $1.50 per hour they might be motivated to actually work and you wouldn't be eating bugs when you come up for that great life essential air we all need.

Maintenance leaves a bit to be desired, well perhaps maybe a miracle if you believe in those. By all means I have met all 3 of the maintenance personnel and they are all great working guys, however they are literally given 72 different repairs to do in 2 days. My hot water heater in the basement is vintage 1968 and produces warm, not hot water for a total of about 8 minutes so you have to wash very fast. Maybe those vintage water heaters could make some money on Ebay but don't expect to list them in squeaky clean condition as you won't have time for a hot shower to become clean.

Then there are the air conditioners... ahh a story to behold! If I had a flying Delorean with a mint flux capacitor I would expect to buy one of these brand new 20 years into the past for maybe $300 and it would look identical to the ones in my apartment. The one in the bedroom makes the room a nice cool 80-85 degrees Fahrenheit during the 90+ degree summer heat. It's worth mentioning here that there are also ant infestations on the ground floor, a ton of these little flying bugs all over the place inside due to the back porch door being unlevel(subsequently you need biceps the size of Arnold to actually get it open), and the front of the apartment complex smells like raw sewage whenever it rains due to mold in 75% of the basements here. Raw sewage is putting it nicely. Try to imagine instead what a hooker smells like after pulling three 8 hour shifts in a row. Add on to that the noise from every dark barking in the building and it becomes a harmony of headache. Watch where you walk in the grass outside as well or you'll be cleaning your shoes 3 times a day. Seems like dog droppings are in abundance here so if you're a collector of fine dog droppings it's a goldmine here. Good luck trying to dispose of your dog's waste in the proper manner as the nazi-regime contract states as it will be overflowing with bags of droppings for weeks.

Finally, the creme de la creme: Landlord and management. You may know Helen by her nickname "Cuddles", but around here we know her as Satan. You got it folks. She's as nice as a fresh Georgia peach until you sign the contract then pow you just met another two-faced sweet little old lady who wants your money and owns you. Now I know in Hollywood people get paid to pretend they are someone else for a living and it's called acting. Here in Bethlehem, PA we call it schizophrenia. Satan here, um, I mean Helen would best cast in the movie playing Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. The personality switches faster then your eyes can detect up to the normal amount of colors an eye can detect. Let's just say once you have signed your contract at Valley Park East/West you have been given a sentence to live in conditions similar to a concentration camp for the length of your lease. You are not allowed to move anything out of your apartment until the lease is paid in full, you may not go on vacation for longer then 10 days with notifying the landlord(Satan) by written letter. You may not pass go and collect $200. If you do by some odd chance decide to be a courageous rebel by all means come stay at Valley Park. Just make sure you give them 60 days notice in writing and send a copy to your lawyer like I did. And by all means, get a lawyer with this apartment complex.

I really must eat here but I could add a lot more and food is more important then Satan and concentration camps. Hopefully I will be able to get rid of those little flying bugs and actually have some good food tonight.

Stay far far away from this place unless you want to offer some advice to the Manager's assistant Louise about proper dental hygiene.

Take care.